Nyaya ine murume akaroorwa ... Kune vamwe, iyi inofanirwa, uye kune vamwe, chiitiko nehwehhi yakabatanidzwa nezvisungo zveHymenyum inoshandura chaiyo kusvika pakuguma kwayo pachayo. Sabina Safarova akadzidza zvisikwa zvepfungwa dzevavhimi kune zvakanaka zvomumwe munhu.
Dai zvaisava zvekuongorora vaongorori vepfungwa, tingadai tisati tadzidza kuti pakati pedu, pasi pekufungidzira kwezvipfeko zvemakwai zvisina mhaka, mapenzi chaiwo-vatsva shure kwevarume vakaroora-vanodzungaira. Zvichida chiitiko ichi chakanyanyisa kunyatsotarisa apo vanhu vakatanga kushingaira kunoshandiswa pakubatsira psychotherapeutic. Mushure mezvose, vezvepfungwa dzepfungwa vaifanira kusangana ne "vatsvaki" ivo pachavo, uye nevanovhiringidzwa navo. Uye kunyange nevarume vakabatwa pakati pemoto maviri.
Nokudaro, yakave yakakwanisa kutaura pamusoro pezvinhu zvakadai zvezvinhu izvi zvakaoma zvitatu zvorudo. Uyezve, paiva nemamwe mapeji. Zvakazoitika kuti vanenge 10 muzana vevarume vekurara pabonde vakanaka vanosarudza varume vakaroora. Pakati idzi, vatatu-vashanu vanoda vakadzi vakaroora chete uye kwete vamwe. Uye izvi zvinoreva kuti 90% inosara inofanira kuchengetedza ziso.
Chops chete
Vanoda vanhu havasi vakasununguka - kwete nguva dzose vic vamp. Ngatisiye mifananidzo iyi kunyika yekunakidza zvenhema, nokuti muupenyu mune zvose zvinowedzera. "Mumwe wevashandi vangu vokutanga, musikana wemakore makumi maviri nemanomwe, anomushevedza kuti N., akauya kumubatiro pasi pekumanikidzwa kwevanasikana," anodaro chiremba wepfungwa uye wepabonde, Purofesa Alexander Poleyev. - Maererano neN., hupenyu hwake hwose aive neruzivo chete nevarume vakaroorana, vakanga vasingazobvumirani kurambana. Vasikana vaishamwaridzana vainetseka kuti N. (mune zvimwe zvinhu zvose zvinokosha musikana anoshanda uye anonzwisisa) anoparadza upenyu hwake. N.N. akabvuma kuti aizoda kusangana nemunhu akasununguka, asi vanoyemura vakadaro havana "kumutsa manzwiro ake" uye sevamwe vaifambidzana navo vakanga vasina kuvona. "
Vakawanda "vatsva" havatendi kuti vanogona kuongorora zvakakwana shamwari. Vanonyara apo mumwe mukadzi "anoonga" murume, achiroora.
Sezvinowanzoitika, tsoka dze dambudziko iri dzinokura kubva paudiki. "Kudzidzira kunoratidza kuti kazhinji vanoda varume vakaroorana vakakurirwa nemukadzi asina kuroorwa uyo akanga asina rudo navo," anotsanangura kudaro Purofesa Poleyev. - Gare gare, kubva pakukurukurirana nevanasikana vakakurumidza kudaro, zvinova pachena kuti vazhinji vakarwadziwa vachiona kusavapo kwababa vavo muupenyu hwavo. Vaya vakakurira mumhuri dzakakwana vakanyunyuta pamusoro pekudziya, vabereki vakavharirwa. " Maererano nehurukuro yangu, vakawanda vevakadzi ava vakabvuma kuti havazivi uye vanotya vanhu. Uye, sechigumisiro, usatenda mukukwanisa kwavo kuongorora mumwe wako. Vanonyarara apo nzvimbo yake mune hutungamiri hwemurume inotsanangurwa nomumwe mukadzi, kuva mudzimai wake.
ALENA, MAKORE 28
"Ndave ndichigara nemurume kwegore, uyo akasiya nekuda kwerudo rwedu kubva kumhuri. Uye zvakaoma kwazvo. Akasiya zvinhu zvose kumukadzi wake nevana, uye isu tinotanga hupenyu hwedu kubva pakutanga. Akange ari-mudzimai wake akashandiswa kusashanda uye kungobata nevanasikana. Uye iye, aine pfungwa yekuregerera, iyo inyanzvi inopisa, anoedza kuita zvose kuti achengetedze mararamiro ehupenyu panguva imwe chete. Kazhinji kana tichitambudza ukama hwedu. Apo ini ndichiedza kumuratidza kuti kazhinji anongomutungamirira, anoputika. Amai vangu vadikani havatauri neni zvese, nokuti ndakagumbura vanzukuru vake, vakabvisa baba vangu kubva kwavari. Panguva imwe chete, hatigoni kutanga vana vedu. Zvinoshungurudza vanasikana vake, uye bhajeti redu idzva harisi kupukunyuka zvitsva zvemari. Asi ini ndichiri kufara kwazvo kuti tiri pakupedzisira pamwe chete. Asi dzimwe nguva ndinonzwa kunyatsoziva kuti mhuri yake yekare yakakura sei rusvingo pakati pedu. "
"Vakadzi vatinenge tichitaura nezvazvo, kudiwa kwakanyanya kwekudzivirira varume uye" kudzorerwa "kwebasa rababa vavo muupenyu hwavo," anodaro psychoanalyst Maria Suvorova. Munzira ipi zvayo vanoedza kuwana izvo zvavanoshayiwa muhuduku, saka vanobatana nevarume vanobudirira mune zvehupfumi uye zvepfungwa avo kazhinji vakura. Hazvishamisi kuti muhuwandu hwemhosva, avo vakaroora. "Pasinei nezvakaonekwa sekunyengedza, chaizvoizvo, vakadzi vakadaro vari kutadza kwazvo," Maria Suvorova akati. - Chaizvoizvo, kunyange nekuda kwechikonzero ichi vanotya kusangana nekugadzira zvayano nevezera ravo, avo dzimwe nguva vasina kusimba uye vasina kugadzikana. Mukuwedzera, iri mumuchato kuti vakaroorana vanodzidzisana. Vakadzi vanodzidza kuti varambe vachitsungirira, vachiwedzera kuzvivimba. Varume vasingazivi vanodzidza zvidzidzo zvekunyorova uye kuchinja. Izvi zvinoreva, kusarudza murume akaroora, uye kunyanya kuva nemwana, ava "vasikana vasati varoora" vanowana munhu akawedzerwa nguva, ane hanya uye anonzwisisa. "
Bhandi yechato haisi nyore kupora
Pane chimwe chinhu chinonyatsobatanidza "vatsva" vedu. Kusiyana nevakadzi vazhinji avo, kuitira kuti vazviratidze ivo pachavo zvepabonde, kutora nguva, vasikana ava "vanokura" mubhedha anenge pakarepo. Uye paanenge achiri muduku - kazhinji kusvika pamakore makumi maviri. Zvisinei, sezvo zviri nyore kufungidzira, zvakapiwa kuti wawakaroorana naye aroora. "Zvinoshamisa kuti nevarume vangu nemhuri yangu vasati vamanikidzwa, vazhinji vevatengi vangu vakaratidzira kunyatsopisa," akadaro Alexander Poleyev. - Ndiko kuti, hupombwe hwavo hwaivepo maererano nemutemo: zvose kana chinhu. Uye izvi "zvose" - chete nemurume akaroorwa. " Zvakaita sokuti vakadzi vaviri vakasiyana vanogara mumuviri mumwe chete. Chimwe chinhu chisina kujairika chinotyisa, chimwe chacho chinorambidzwa. Pakarepo apo heroine yedu inosangana nemurume ane ringin'i pamin'i - yekutanga inomuka. Kune vamwe vose vakakumbira, iye anopfuura kuderera kune manzwiro. Dzimwe nyanzvi dzinofunga kuti kusarudza kwakasimba kwakadaro kuve kupotsa kwepabonde.
Vatsvakurudzi veAmerica vakayera uwandu hwekuita zvepabonde dzevakadzi vakabatanidzwa mune zvidzidzo zvakawanda, kwete nekudzidza kwavo kuzvidzora kwavo, asiwo nekutaura kwemashoko emagetsi: kubva pakureva nhema kune electroencephalogram nekombiyuta yekugadzira. Uye mifananidzo inowanikwa nekubatana ne "chinangwa chechido" uye, vamwe, vasina kuroorana, vakasiyana kanopfuura kazana. Zvakanyatsokodzera kuunganidza zvakaenzana nevechi fetishist vasingatauri nemukadzi uye chikamu chezana chemufaro wavanonzwa pavanonyanya chinhu chinodiwa cheimba yake muzvanza zvake. Asi iyo inopindura, apo chimwe chinokonzera chinokonzera dutu rekuchiva, uye vamwe vose havagoni kubata chero ipi zvayo, uye vanoumba hwaro hwekutsauka kwepabonde - super-selectivity. Muchiitiko ichi, chikamu chechikwereti chinoshandiswa nemhete yechato pamugove wegamba.
OLGA, MAKORE 29
"Muhupenyu hwangu pane maveveli maviri ane varume vakaroorana. Zvakanaka, iwe unogona kuitei? Hakuna mumwe wedu ane simba kubva pane izvi. Muhupenyu, hazvisi nguva dzose kugona kuita nenzira isina kunaka uye yakarurama, kana iwe usingadi kuzviramba iwe kutaura kwehupenyu hwekunzwa uye manzwiro. Nhamba dzese idzi dzakagurwa nekuda kwezvikonzero zvakasiyana-siyana. Asi zvaisava nokuti varume vacho vakaroora. Pane kudaro, zvaioneka mune zvose zviitiko - hatisi vanhu vanofanirwa kuva pamwe chete. Asi kana ndainzwa kuti uyu ndiye murume wangu, ipapo kuvapo kwemudzimai wake uye kunyange vana zvingadai zvisingandidziviri. Handitendi kuti inongova nemutoro webasa kuti munhu anogona kuvaka ukama hwakakwana, ngaarege kumutsa mwana anofara. Tsitsi dzenhema dzakadaro dzinoguma dzichikuvadza chete. "
Uye zvakadaro ivo vakasiyana
Zvidzidzo zvevashandi vepfungwa dzeAmerica Robin Norwood naPatrick Carnes zvakare vakaratidza chimwe chinhu chinokosha. Vanoda vemhuri varume vanonyatsoparadzana kuva mapoka maviri: vamwe vanoda kuwanana, vamwe havaiti. Muchiitiko chekutanga, zvinhu zvose zvakagadzirirwa, kana zvisingaiti nemitemo yetsika, saka zvinenge zvichienderana nekufungisisa uye zvikamu zvezviito. Vari kuedza kukunda mumhando yehondo ne "heroine korona" - mudzimai wake. Uye nezvose zvokwadi uye zvisikwa zvinotora chigaro chake. "Vakadzi vakadaro vanotsvaka kuroora mumwe akasarudzwa, vanozviisa ivo vavariro iyi uye vanoiwana," anodaro Robin Norwood. -Ndineta nokunetseka nekuzvidzora kwavo uye kutsungirira. Mushure mezvose, hukama nemunhu akaroora mune dzakawanda zviitiko zvinosanganiswa nematambudziko uye kunyange kunyadziswa: anoshandisa vhiki yevhiki nevemhuri yake, kushanyirwa kunowanikwa uye nguva ipi zvayo inogona kubviswa. Asi vanotambura zvose. Uye kana vamwe vakawanda vakadzi vanotambura neizvi, zvino vatengi vangu, pane zvinopesana, vanoporesa zvirwere zvekuora mwoyo. Ndiko panguva dzoupenyu hunoti vanonzwa kushamisa kwekusimudzirwa mupfungwa uye kufara. "
Ukama nemurume akaroora kazhinji kunowanzobatanidzwa nezvipingamupinyi, asi "vatsva" zvinetso zvinongopa simba uye mufaro.
Zvisinei, apo heroine yedu ichiri kuroora, kunyanya kana akasarudzwa akwegura, ane ruzivo uye ukama huri muhukama huri pedyo, hunoshandurwa. Iyo yekare yaisakakahadzika, manzwiro ekushaikwa kworudo, ayo akatambura pamberi peyano, yakanyangarika zvachose. "Kushandisa mutambo uyu sevana vanofarira vana-no-go-round uye" kuwana "zvakawanda zvavasina kugamuchira semwana, vatengi vangu vakatanga kukura nokukurumidza," anodaro muongorori Patrick Karnes. "Pashure pemakore maviri ekuti vakaroorana vakabudirira, vakanga vasiri vanhu vasina kusimba uye vane hanya nevanhu vandakaziva kare. Vakashanduka uye vakabudirira kubvisa matambudziko evana vavo. Uyezve, mushure mechinguva vanokwanisa kuva netsitsi itsva pakati pezera rako. Uye asina kuroorwa. Dzimwe nguva rudo rwakapetwa rwakadaro rwakauya kusvika kure zvokuti vakadzi vakasiya ivo pachavo, vakaoma zvakaoma varume avo vakambokundwa. "
Icho chinopera, kushandisa zvakanaka murume akaroorwa semashiripiti, masimba edu heroine anoporesa kumudhakwa kwake. Uye, kufanana nechinamambo chechikadzi, akamutswa kubva kune muroyi wekurara nemukuru anoshanda, anotanga hupenyu hutsva. Kubvira ikozvino, haafaniri mukadzi akarereka kuti asimbise kukosha kwegamba rakasarudzwa, kumuroora kamwe-iye achazviita pachake. Uye maronda emweya ekuporesa kazhinji akatosiya varume. Zvisinei, iyi iri nyaya yakasiyana zvachose.
MARINA, MAKORE 26
"Hungu, ndaiva nemanano nevarume vakaroora. Asi ini ndanga ndisingaiti kubva muupenyu hwakanaka. Ngatishandisei: munyika yedu, kunyanya kufarira vanhu kune vakadzi. Varume chete havana chakanaka, uye hazvishamisi kuti mumwe munhu akakodzera, achiwa mumunda wekuona kwako, akaroorwa. Nenzira yakawanda, kana iwe uchitarisa chete kune varume vakasununguka, kune ngozi yekugara ari oga. Zvinonzwika zvisiri izvo, asi ndezvechokwadi. Zvechokwadi, zvakanaka, ndinoda kuva nemumwe wako akamborambana, uye kunyange zviri nani kwete pamutoro wose nemhuri. Ndinonyatsovimba nemusangano wakadaro. Asi chinhu chikuru kwandiri ndechekufunga. "
Muroori Anopukunyuka
Pamwe chete nevasikana-vatsva, kutevera varume vane mhete semudiwa wakanakisisa kune ivo pachavo, kune rimwe boka revanoda vakaroorana. Upenyu pamwe chete nomusanangurwa wake pasi pedenga rimwe chete havatombodziedza zvachose, kwete kureva kuroorana. Ndicho chikonzero murume akaroora, vanoti, iri pedo. "Izvo zvine chokuita nehuwandu hwemhando, iyo yatinonzi psychostension," anodaro Alexander Poleyev. - Inobva pakuwedzera kukanganisa mupfungwa. Uye izvi hazvina chokuita neukama kana kusakwanisa kuzvivimba. Kazhinji, pfungwa dzepfungwa dzinofadza uye kunyange vanhu vanofambidzana vane zvishoma kudarika vamwe vanodikanwa zvavo, havana kumboputsa nzvimbo. " Nokuda kwekururamisira, inofanirwa kutaurirwa kuti mujoko rezvisikwa yevanyori vepfungwastaining, vakadzi vanowanzoita zvishoma pane varume (4-5% kusvika 12-13%). Vakadzi vechikadzi-psychosthenic vanowanzoda rudo rukuru kwenguva refu nevarume vakaroorana, sezvo mamiriro ezvinhu akadaro anonyatsoratidza kusagona kubatana. "Ichi kazhinji kacho chisarudzo chisingazivikanwi," rinomiririra wepan psychoanalyst Maria Suvorova. - Mukadzi anongonzwa kuti kurarama pamwe nemurume, kumuchengetedza, kukurukurirana nguva dzose kunomutorera. Uye kushamwaridzana nemurume akaroora kunokubvumira kutiza kubva kuchikoro chemuitiro wehukama muwanano wevashanyi. "
"Munharaunda yedu, mukadzi asina kuroorwa kubva kune imwe nguva anotanga kutarisa nekufungira. Uye zvino nyaya yacho nemurume akatotakurwa nemhuri inoshanduka kuva yerunununura, - anotenda Alexander Poleyev. - Nharo "Ndinomuda uye handidi kuva nemumwe munhu, kunyange kana zvisingabviri kuva nemudiwa wangu" mumitambo yedu, pamwe neboka rake rekuvimbika kwevakadzi, haashorwi.
Zvinonakidzawo kuti mumadzimai, kusiyana nevanhu, psychosis ine nzvimbo yekupfuura nezera remakore makumi matatu nematatu kusvika ku5 ".
Zvisinei, ikozvino vakadzi ava havakwanisi kuedza kumanikidzwa varume. Uye ndinokutendai pano zvakakosha kuti titaure zvekutanga kune vose vakaroorana vomuchato, umo vashandi havafaniri kugara pamwe chete.
Uye zvino chii?
"Vashandi" vanovhiringidza ukama hwavasingadi kukoshesa. Ivo, semhuka yakaneta, vave vachinyima kwenguva yakareba, uye saka vanoomerwa zvikuru.
Chero zvingave zvakadaro, nyaya dzakataurwa pamusoro apa hazviwanzoguma nemagumo anofadza, apo munhu wose, kusanganisira uyo munhu anosiya muzita reukama hutsva, anogutsikana. Sezvo mutemo, vose vakanyengerwa mudzimai nakadzikadzi vanotambura, uye iye pachake ari munzvimbo isingazivikanwi. Uye, sevanyori vezvematongerwo enyika vanoti, kazhinji zvipembenene zvakadaro zvinopedzisira zvisingafadzi makadzikadzi. Vaya vanobatanidzwa mumatambudziko aya vanoitei? Ichokwadi kuti vazhinji vedu hatinyanyi kuifarira - kunyatsoongorora nekuvimbika kwehupenyu hwavo, sezvo vatauriri vangu vanodana. Vasikana vane rudo nevarume vasina kufanana vari kuve tsika inoramba ichitsungirira, zvinokosha kuti vaone kuti vanotanga kubata ivo pachavo. Nokudaro, kodzero yekuita sarudzo huru, iyo ndeyokuti, wokutanga kuroorwa nemusanangurwa, inopiwa kune mumwe mukadzi mberi. Uye vanozvidzivirira pachavo mukana wekuwana munhu waunogona naye kungofara achigara pamwe chete, asingatsvaki kuona avo vasati vakaroorana nekuda kwe "kusuruvara" zvakangoitika.
Isu tose tinofanira kuyeuka kuti "vanovhima" mamwe mararamiro emasango. Kana tikaramba tichifananidza, zvino vanoedza, kutanga pane zvose, kune hukama hwevamwe huri kurega kukoshesa. Uye ivo, semhuka yakaneta, vave vachinyima kwenguva yakareba, uye saka vari kunyanya kuoma.
KATYA, MAKORE 31
"Ndagara ndichinzwa kusavimbika kwevanhu avo, vasati vasvika pamakore makumi matatu, vakanga vasati varoora. Ichokwadi, ndeye mhumhi dzisingaperi-singles: ivo chete havasikoshesa ukama. Havadi mhuri, vana, kana mutoro. Kurarama nemurume wakakusiya nekuda kwemhuri hausiwo shuga: chero zvakadaro, mukadzi akare-kare anoenderera mberi kuva mai vevana vake, uye hapana munhu akatora basa revana ava kubva kwaari. Asi ndichiri pedyo nemurume asingatyi mutoro uyu. Uye vana kubva kune vakaroorana vasati vanditora haisi chipingamupinyi. "
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