Saka anodaro David Lieberman, nyanzvi chaiye yepfungwa dzepfungwa dzehupenyu hwevanhu. Uye iye akanyatsokodzera. Iro inotsvakurudzwa inoratidza kuti kushamwaridzana pamanzwiro ekunetseka kunogona kudanwa kune munhu chero upi zvake (hongu, kana mumwe munhu anonzwira tsitsi newe). Nokudaro, nokukurumidza kana ukazivana nemunhu achifadza iwe zvaitika, zvino pakarepo tarisa maitiro akabudirira kuti upedze nguva shomanana naye, kuitira kuti akuzive iwe. Uye sei kuwira murudo nemunhu chero upi zvake?
Uye shure kweizvozvo, tanga kuita zvakasimba! Iwe chete unobvuma kuti anonyatsokurukura newe uye ari kukudziridza hukama, unofanira kutanga kutamba chivande uye kutsvaga ... uye wakachengeteka uchiramba wakavanza kusvikira apedza kunzwa uye kukuona iwe. Isu tose tinoziva kutonga uku kwezera remakore: vanhu vanowanzova nezvavanokwanisa.
Uye chokwadi chokuti iwe unogara uchingosvika kumunhu kunongoderedza kukosha kwako. Kana zuva rega rega munzira yako paive nemurwi mukuru weadhaimondi waidiwa kuramba uchingopfuurira, iwe haungambofungi madhaimani kuti ave chero kukosha. Iko chete mikana yekurasikirwa chimwe chinhu inopa "ichi" kukosha. Iva pedyo, uye wobva watiza, uye varume vachakunzwira tsitsi uye vanokuda.
Sei tichifanira kugamuchira zvipo zvinobva kuvanhu?
Kana iwe ukaita chimwe chinhu chakanaka kune mumwe munhu, chichakuunza iwe kaviri mufaro mukuru. Kutanga, iwe wakagutsikana zvachose nokuti wakaita chimwe chinhu chakanakidza kumunhu, uye chechipiri, wakawedzera tsitsi yako kwaari. Kuti tive nechokwadi chekuedza kwedu, kushandiswa nekuita chimwe chinhu chakanaka, tinowanzova netsika yekuita kuti munhu aite zvakawanda. Uye pakuguma, uyo watinofadza, tinoda zvakanyanya!
Uye kugamuchira zvipo uye zvakasiyana-siyana "zvinofadza" kwatiri zvinoitawo kuti tifare. Zvisinei, kunze kwekunakidzwa, tinoramba tichirwa nemamwe manzwiro akawanda, uye kwete ose akanaka. Dzimwe nguva tinonzwa takaora mwoyo. Sei zvakadaro? Pamusana pekuti isu tinotanga kunzwa manzwiro ekuti mumwe munhu akatiziva seakakodzera chipo, uye tinofanira kuramba tichiwana chirevo ichi, uye izvi hazvirevi kuti munhu anopa chipo anodawo zvimwe zvikomborero uye kudzoka kubva pane zvaakatiitira.
Kunyangwe zvinetso zvinomuka apo tinogamuchira chipo kubva kune mumwe munhu watinoda, asi kusvikira zvino hatisi chokwadi pamusoro pemubvunzo wake. Unonzwisisa zvinorehwa here? Apo patinomuda zvakasimba semurume, isu tinonzwisisa tichida kuita kuti zvimufadze iye. Asi zvichava nani kana iwe uchimupa mukana wekuita pakutanga, iwe unogona nyore nyore kudanana nemunhu chero upi zvake.
Tora zvakanaka kumutarisa.
Harvard psychoanalyst Zik Rubin akaedza kuverenga nesayenzi zvinoreva kuwedzerwa kwekudanana nemumwe munhu, uye zvakadaro akakwanisa kudzidza zvimwe zvinonakidza: zvinoreva kuti urongwa hworudo hunogona kufungidzirwa nehuwandu hwenguva apo munhu anodikanwa achitarisa chinhu chaanoda. Akati vakaroorana vane rudo vanotarisana nemapato anenge 75 muzana yenguva iyo vachitaura!
Mukuwedzera, vadikani vasati vanyatsozivikanwa kubva pakugadzirisa kwekufungidzirana kweumwe neumwe, kana munhu wechitatu achibatana nehurukuro yavo. Munguva yekutaurirana nyore vanhu vanotarisa interlocutor pane imwe nzvimbo 50 muzana yenguva. Iyi nzira yekuyera rudo inonzi yekupedza kudzidza kwaRubin: pamwe nekufungidzira nguva iyo yavanokutarira panguva yekukurukurirana, uye iwe unogona kuongorora huwandu hwekufarira. Nyanzvi dzezvepfungwa dzega-yega dzinoshandisa kukwidziridzwa kwaRubin kuti vanzwisise kana vaviri vacho vari kubvumirana, uye kana iri kuwirirana muhukama hwavo. Zvisinei, iyi nzira inogona kubatsirawo kana iwe uchida kuwirirana nemunhu. Asi nei: edza kutarisa munhu waunoda, anenge 75 muzana yenguva. Uropi hwemunhu huchaita pakarepo kana iwe uchimuda zvakare.
Ichokwadi ndechokuti uropi hwemunhu hune hutano hwekuita nehutarisiro hunofadza hweumwe wevasikana vakasiyana, ndicho chikonzero tinotanga kutenda mukati medu kuti tiri murudo, uye uropi hunotanga kugovera enzyme penyletilamin.
Penyletilamine, kemikemikari amphetamine shamwari, inonyadziswa nehurongwa hwekutya patinenge takabatanidzwa mune mumwe munhu. Iyi enzyme inoita kuti mwoyo yedu irwe, kurwa uye kunetseka, pakuona kwayo. Zvechokwadi, haugoni kufarira munhu nerubatsiro rwekupedza kudzidza kwaRubin, kana iwe ukacherechedza kuti haufariri zvachose, asi iwe unogona kushandisa nzira iyo iwe uchida kuwirirana nemurume. Zvione iwe! Migumisiro yacho ichafadza iwe zvikuru. Ipa munhu manzwiro ekuti iwe uri murudo naye, kazhinji utarisa kwaari, uye zvichava nyore zvikuru kwaari kuti abvumirane nechokuti iye anonyengedza iwe pamusoro pako!
Kucherechedza? Kwete.
Mukuwedzera, kune imwe mhedziso inobva mukutsvakurudza kwaVaRubin: vakaroorana murudo havakurumidze kutora maziso avo kune umwe munhu uyo akasarudza kupinda muhurukuro. Zvakare, kana ukashandisa chigadzirwa kune mumwe munhu asati adaro newe, ubongo hwake hunotanga kushingaira kupa penyletilamine, uye achakurumidza kuona kuti ari murudo! Iwe unongopfuurira mberi, chero bedzi zvichibvira kutarisa mumaziso omumwe wako kunyange kugoverana, kana vapedza hurukuro kana iwe unobatanidzwa nomunhu wechitatu.
Uye tarisa kure zvakasuruvara uye zvishoma nezvishoma. Kana iwe unonyara kutarisa pachena mumaziso ako, iwe unogona kushandisa kutarisa kutarisa. Somuenzaniso, unogona kuona imwe interlocutor, asi mushure memutsetse wega wega, tora nguva pfupi kune munhu anokuda iwe, ngaazvione. Izvi zvakafanana nekubata kwekutonga - unoongorora zvakaitwa nemumwe wako kune izvo mutauriri wechitatu ataura-uye neizvi unojekesa kuti iwe unofarira maari. Uye kana akazvinzwa, ipapo kuwira murudo nemurume kuchava nyore pane kusina nyore.
Vadzidzi kubva munyanzvi yezvesayenzi yekuona.
Isu tose tinoziva zvakajeka kuti vanotitarisa sei pavanonzwa vachikwezva. Nokuda kweizvi, chiitiko chimwe bedzi chinodiwa: vadzidzi vanofanira kuwedzerwa. Iwe haugoni kuchenjerera kudzidzisa vadzidzi (ichi ndicho chikonzero nei vachitaura kuti maziso haanyengeri zvachose). Zvisinei, iwe unogona kuumba mamiriro ezvinhu akanaka ekuti vadzidzi vawedzere.
Kutanga, iwe unoda kuderedza huwandu hwekuvhenekera muimba . Vadzidzi vanowedzera pakarepo kana chiedza chiduku. Ndicho chikonzero nei muresitorendi umo vanhu vakaroorana vanosangana kuti vadye zvemanheru, kakawanda kune makendeni kana mwenje vasina chiedza chakajeka. Izvi hazviiti kuti chiso chinakidze, asi vadzidzi vakakura.
Masayendisiti akaedza uye akaronga kuratidza mapoka maviri emifananidzo yemusikana anonakidza kune varume. Mifananidzo yacho yakanga yakafanana, asi vadzidzi vomusikana muboka rimwe vakawedzera kuburikidza nehuwandu hwemasangano. Zvechokwadi, varume vakataura uye kuti mukadzi wechikwata chechipiri chemapikicha aitarisa zvakanyanya kunaka. Kuedza kwakafanana kwakadzokororwa nemifananidzo yemurume akaratidza vakadzi. Zvigumisiro zvekuedza zvakafanana.
Vadzidzi vedu vanokurumidza kuwedzera patinotarisa chimwe chinhu kana mumwe munhu watinoda, saka unogona kuishandisa kana iwe uchida kudanana nemunhu. Zvakare, izvi zvinogona kupupurirwa nekubatsira kwemifananidzo. Uye munyaya iyi, masayendisiti akapa boka revarume mifananidzo yakasiyana, uye mumwe wavo akasangana, apo mukadzi asina kupfeka akaratidzwa. Kuvanhu vose pasina kunze kwevadzidzi varo vakaderedzwa. Nguva dzose, kana munhu achida isu, patinomutarisa, vadzidzi vedu vanodzidza.