Ndinogara ndichinwa doro neshamwari dzangu patinoenda kumafirimu kana kungobuda. Uye chii chakashata nazvo? "- Denis, ane makore gumi nemashanu, anotaura nechinetso, watakasangana naye pedyo nechitoro chekuSokolniki. "Pasina chinyorwa chekudya kana doro hapana chingaita," anowedzera shamwari yake Sonya kwemakore gumi nemana. Danila anosangana nehurukuro yedu, iye anenge anenge 15: "Tinonwa kuti tifare, rega ... hazvisi izvo zvingatinetseka nazvo, isu hatizi doro kana ..." Kutenga doro muchitoro, uye kunyanya zvakadaro mudare rakakomberedza kona , haisi kuoma, kunyange zvazvo mitemo inorambidza kutengesa doro kune vana, kunyanya pedyo nechikoro *. Muzvokwadi, zvose zvinotarisa zvakasiyana: kwechikoro chekuchinja, vana vanokwanisa kutarisa kumhanya shure kwewaini kana chimwe chinhu chakasimba. Vabereki vanotya zvikuru nekuedza kwevana vane doro. Hatisi kungozvitarisira hutano hwavo, kunzwisisa chii chingaita kuti ushandise doro zvisina kunaka. Dzimwe nguva isu hatizivi kuti tingasvika sei kune doro rewaini, zvisinei kuti zvakakodzera kushandisa maitiro akawandisa uye chii chatinofanira kuita kana mwana wacho adzoka kumba zvakajeka.
Chikonzero nei vachizviita
Vaviri vevatatu vechiRussia vari pakati pezera remakore 13 ne16 vanonwa doro nguva dzose, asi vazhinji vanoziva newaini uye doro kubvira pazera remakore gumi. Vana vari muzera iri vanowanzofunga kuti vanhu vakuru havakwanisi zvakakwana, havakwanisi kunyanya kufunga nezvavo, kune manzwiro emukati kusina tariro uye kusurukirwa, izvo zvavanosungira nekubatsira doro. Vana vaduku vanofara nekuzorora uye rusununguko runouya nekunwa doro. Mushure mezvose, doro isiri yakasimba yekugadzirisa mhinduro. Inobatsira kukonzera kushungurudzika mupfungwa, kubvisa kunyara, zvinetso, zvipingamupinyi mukukurukurirana. " Mukuwedzera, doro nemidzanga ndiyo chete inosvikika uye naizvozvo inonyanya kukoshesa zvinhu zvevanhu vakuru. Vechidiki vanofunga kuti doro rinoita kuti vakwegura, saka vanofarira kunwa magirazi uye magirasi. Nekubatanidza, naizvozvo, kuva munhu mukuru, vanomanikidza vabereki kuti vaone kuti vatorega kuva vana. Zvechokwadi, havasi vose vechidiki vakaita sekutora doro, vanhu vazhinji vanoshushikana. Asi kunyange kana nyaya yacho inopera muhupfu, doro rinotora nzvimbo yakakosha mumafungiro avo pamusoro pokukura, kuti zvakaoma zvikuru kuti vasiye uye varambe kunwa nguva inotevera. Usabatsire uye utaure pamusoro pezvinetso zvewaini: pamakore gumi nemana eutano hunoratidzika kusingaperi. Vechidiki havangatendi isu, havasi kutora pfungwa dzedu zvakanyanya, saka chero mazwi evanhu vakuru anowirirwa nekurwisana: "Sei iwe neni tisingagoni?" Chimwe chinhu chinokosha ndechekuti "collectivism". Mukomana anoda ruzivo rwevanhu vakaenzana, kwaanoonekwa semunhu. Chikoro chemakore ekupedzisira ndiyo nguva chete muhupenyu hwedu, apo pfungwa yekuve yeboka, maitiro ehutsika ehutsika, maonero evezera haasi ezvakakosha chete, asi iyo inenge yakakodzera mamiriro ekugadzirisa kweumwe munhu. Ndicho chikonzero, kana iwe ukaedza doro, vechidiki vanotya kuita sevasingagoni kutarisana neshamwari uye havagoni kumira. Vanonwa zvakawanda uye zvose zviri mumutsara, kusanganidza zvinwiwa zvakasiyana kune nhare, iyo inokonzera kudhakwa kazhinji nesimba. Mukuedza kwekambani yekuita basa, inotungamirirwa neboka revanodzidza nezvepfungwa dzakatungamirirwa neProfesa Temple University (USA), Laurence Steinberg (Laurence Steinberg), vatambi vakapiwa sarudzo: simira pachiteshi chechiedza chechiedza kana kutyaira. Kutamba ari oga, vose vakuru nevechiri kuyaruka vakasarudza nzira yakachengeteka. Mumutambo weboka, vechidiki vanoisa pangozi kaviri, uye mufambiro wevakuru hauna kuchinja. Kuvapo kwevezera kunokanganisa manzwiro akasimba zvokuti vana vanoita zvisina basa, uye chido chokuwana chizivo chikuru zvokuti chinovadzivirira kuti vaone zvakakwana dambudziko.
Kutanga kupindura
"Tine vana vaviri, vakuru vacho vari kudzidza kuchikoro, muduku pane vose vari mukirasi yegumi," anodaro Marina, 46, - Ini nomurume wangu takasarudza kwenguva yakareba kuti tichava vakavimbika kana tisina kuvimbika kune doro: kana uchida kuedza, edza. Pamba, dzimwe nguva vanokwanisa kunwa girazi rewaini pamwe nesu, kakawanda mukuru akakumbira kutenga bothodhi rewaini paakanga ari musi wekuberekwa kwake kune vadiki vanoziva. Zvechokwadi, isu hatina kuvapa vodka, asi havana kumbova nechido chekuedza chimwe chinhu chakasimba. Somugumisiro, mwanakomana wedangwe haatomwi zvachose, kunze kwekuti, nguva dzose ari shure kwegumbo, asi muduku wacho kamwechete akatipa kushamiswa ... Chiitiko, ndinofanira kuti, chakanga chisina kunaka kwazvo. Asi isu takagadzikana zvinyararire kune izvi, hatina kumutsoropodza, kungomuradzika kuti arara ... Ichokwadi, iye pachake aityisa kuti kwenguva refu, ndinofunga, ndakarangarira izvi zvakaitika. " Munhu wose wegumi haazive kana mwana wake akambodya doro. Vane 17% chete vaifunga nezvezvavaizoita kana mwana wavo akatanga kutambudzika newaini, asi 80% yevabereki vaizoita kana matambudziko akadaro achibuda. Vamwe vedu tinosarudza miganhu zvisati zvaitika, tsanangura kuti ungadzivisa sei dambudziko: "Chokwadi, ndinonzwisisa kuti iwe wakanwa doro mupaki. Asi ini handikukurudzire kupindira nayo newaini kana nechinhu chipi nechimwe-musoro nekunyunyuta kunopiwa "; "Zviri nani kuuya unopemberera mugumo wekota kumba kwedu - mudivi rechikoro pane mukana wokuonana nechepakiti"; "Paunenge uchienda musasa, usakanganwa kugadzira sandwiches. Mumhepo mune nzara, uye ichatukwa kana zvichizoitika kuti iwe waifunga nezvewaini, asi pamusoro pezvokudya - kwete. " Asi kana, shure kwezvose, mwana wako akave akadhakwa zvakanyanya uye muchimiro ichi kwenguva yekutanga akaita seye maziso ako, usatya. Akasarudza kukuratidza urombo hwake - izvo zvinoreva kuti anovimba newe uye anoverenga pane kunzwisisa kwako uye rubatsiro. Vazhinji vedu vari mumamiriro ezvinhu akaoma vanorasikirwa nemisoro yavo uye vanowira pamwana wechidiki vachizvidza. Kune izvi isu tinosundirwa nekutya, kutsamwa, tsitsi, mhuri yakaoma inowanikwa, mutoro webasa revabereki uye pfungwa yekushaya simba. Zvechokwadi, kutanga kwekutanga kwevabereki ndekushevedzera ("Iwe unogona sei iwe!"), Tanga kuverenga kuverengwa kana kutopwanya. Chimwe chekunyanyisa ndiko kuchema ("Iwe wakaipa zvakadini"), kukakavara kwakakomberedza mwana ("Ngatitange kunwa, kudya, kuita kuti zvive nyore"), kushata, majee, kuedza kufara. Uye izvo uye zvimwe zvinopinda zvine ngozi. Muchiitiko chekutanga, tinosimbisa kunyadziswa uye mhosva yemwana, uyo anototonzwa kuti haana kuita zvakaipa. Uye muchipiri, pane zvinopesana, tinoratidza wechidiki kuti mufambiro wake unogamuchirwa kwatiri, hapana chakaitika zvakawanda - hapana, bhizinesi rezuva nezuva. Edza kurega chero zvataurwa, ita zvinonzwisisika, nekunyarara, nenzira yakakura. Ipa kuti utore mvura, svinura hwindo, uise pamubhedha. Kana mwana wako anonwa zvakanyanya neshamwari ava nemakore gumi nemana, izvi hazvirevi kuti akatanga kunwa. Ndizvo chete kuti ane nguva yekuziva mabasa matsva uye hukama hutsva.
Kana vabereki vane imwe nzira yekuzvibata nevana, ichabatsira mune chero mamiriro ezvinhu - ivai vodka, madhiragi, chero chinhu. Ndinofunga kuti handina chinhu chekutya kune doro nhau, nokuti vana vangu havana hutano hwakaoma, uye ichi ndicho chinonyanya kukosha. Zvakanaka, kana mumwe wavo achiri kudzoka kumba mushure mekunwa, ini ndichanyarara ndichibvunza kana aifarira kuti anonwa, kupi uye uye ani. Pandakanga ndava nemakore mapfumbamwe, vabereki vaiwanzosiya mumba manheru - pane cinema, mafirimu, maresitorendi. Uye ini ndakasara ndoga. Takagara ipapo muCzechoslovakia. Mumunda wepamusha maiva nemabhodhoro akawanda anofadza: whisky, vermouth, mazambiringa akavakirirwa, cognacs. Ndakawana bhari iyi uye ndakarongedza ini manheru kudhakwa kwevana vaduku. Ndakadurura whiskey kana vermouth. Hafu yekubatanidza, zvimwe ndakanga ndisingakwanisi kunwa. Ndakateerera mimhanzi uye ndakaiziva. Zvingaita sokuti ndaiva nemukana wega wekuva doro. Asi yakange isina mhinduro kune ini zvachose. Zvichida vabereki vakacherechedza kuti nhamba yezvinwiwa iri kuderera, asi kutarisa kwakange kusingabhadharwi, nokuti mabhodhoro ari muvhara akazarurirwa kwenguva refu. Ndinofunga kuti nokuda kwezvinangwa zvechikoro zvinokwanisika kupa doro kumwana rimwe zuva. Ndizvo zvakaita baba vangu pandakanga ndiri gumi nemana. Cape yake yaiva pamwendo. Yakanga iri kupisa zuva rezhizha. Takakwira kumusoro kwegomo, uye paiva nechitoro chakanaka. Uye isu, takazununguka, takafara, tikagara pasi kuti tidye. Uye pakarepo baba vangu vakandipa doro. Ini ndakati, "Uyai!" Akamwa mukaka mukuru. Taidya zvinonaka, takazorora uye takaramba tichifamba. "
Kubatana nekuvimba
Kana mwana wechidiki asvika kumusha akadhakwa, zvakakosha kuti ataure naye, uye vabereki vanofanira kuzviita pamwe chete, zvavakambobvumirana nezviito zvavo. Kukurukurirana hakufaniri kutanga pazuva rimwe chete, asi pakarepo mushure mekunge mwana anyatsofunga. Hazvina maturo kutaura zvakananga ne mwana akadhakwa: kunyange mazwi anogutsa uye anonzwisisika haasati anzwika. Asiwo kumisa nguva iyi hurukuro kwenguva yakareba haifaniri kukosha. Apo patinodhonza nguva, tisingadi kutaura pamusoro pezvakaitika kana kuti tisingazivi nzira yekuzvibata shure kweizvi, kune ngozi yekuita kwedu kuchazobuda zvachose pane imwe nguva - nekuda kwechinhu chakafanana nejasi rinoputika, somuenzaniso. Tanga nechinhu chikuru-kubva pane zvawakanzwa pawakaona mwanakomana kana mwanasikana wako: kuratidza kutya kwako, kushungurudzika, kushamisika, kutsamwa ("Pandakakuona pamusuo jongwe, ndakatya, nokuti nguva yekutanga muupenyu hwangu ndakanzwa nokuda kwako kunyangadza "). Panguva imwechete, rega kupomera mazwi uye kuongorora ("Iwe wakandiodza mwoyo"), taura iwe pachako. Ipapo iwe unogona kubvunza pamusoro pezvakaitika zuva rakapfuura: "Wakadii uye zvakadini?"; "Ndeupi mumwe aiva newe iwe zuro, vanonzwa sei?"; "Wakafarira tora yezvawainwa here?"; "Zvakaitika sei kuti iwe haugoni kumira nenguva?" Kana mwana wacho asingadi kupindura mibvunzo yako, usaomesa, kana ukapindura, ita. Somuenzaniso, taura kuti zvinhu zvose zvakaitika mune chero zvipi zvayo zvakaitika. Asi zvinoratidzika kwatiri kuti patinenge tine makore gumi nematanhatu, inotanga kusvika kare kuti tatanga kunwa: mutumbi hausati wagadziriswa kumutoro akadaro. Panguva imwe chete, kutaurirana nevechiri kuyaruka chete pamusoro pengozi dzezvinwiwa, kutaura zvinotyisa, kutyisidzira kusatya uye kutya, hazvina maturo. Doro chikamu chetsika dzedu, uye vana vanoona zvakanaka kwete chete kutambura kunomwa munhu anodiridza ivo pachavo kana vamwe. Vanoziva (kubva pane zvavanowana uye kubva kune vamwe) kuti doro rinounza kufara: kunowedzera mafungiro, kunokonzera kusanzwisisika, kunopa ushingi, kunobatsira kutaurirana. Zvakanyanya kuoma kusarudza mutsara wekuita kana mumwe munhu achinwa doro mumhuri. Mune mamiriro ezvinhu, hazvisi nyore kuwana nharo dzinonzwika, kunze kwekuti, vabereki vanoda kufarira kazhinji havafungi kuti vane kodzero yekuderedza mwana. Asi zvakadaro pane mitemo yakawanda. Usarega mwana achiri kuyaruka kunwa nemunhu mukuru. Dzivisa maitiro akadai seokuti "Usatora muenzaniso kubva kuna baba vako!" - vanongomanikidzira kukurukurirana. Tsanangura kuti ungaziva sei doro rakasvibiswa, dzidza kuongorora kutarisa kwewaini, tsanangura kuti zvinwiwa zvakasiyana zvakadini pamuviri. " Dzimwe nguva zvingaita sokuti chisarudzo chakanaka ndechekudziviswa zvakasimba. Iyi nzira haigoni kushanda, uye inowanzoita kuti wechidiki awane zvidzidzo zvitsva, zvaachavanza zvakanyanyisa. Asi kuti anzwisise kuti sei uye nei zvakaitika kuti mwana akanga akadhakwa, uye kana achizodzokorora chiitiko ichi, zvakakosha. Zvisinei, kana mhuri ine ukama hwakanaka, kurambidzwa kunogona kushanda: kutya kutya kurasikirwa uye rudo rwevabereki, zvichida, ruchaita kuti afunge nezvekuita kwake. Kana musikana wacho asina chaanogona kurasikirwa, nokuti vabereki vake havana kumboswedera pedyo naye, kurambidzwa kunongowedzera kusimba kwekuwirirana kusanzwisisana. Zvinonzwisisika, zvichida panguva ino munhu anofanira kufungisisa nezvekuti ukama hwedu nemwana hunoda kugadziriswa nekuda kwechikonzero chakanaka chakakura. Asi zvose zvinoitika muhupenyu hwemwana wako, zvakakosha kuchengetedza hwaro hwehukama hwako - kuremekedzana, kuvimba kana zvishoma kushamwaridzana. Chero munyaya iyi muchecheche achakunzwa iwe kunyange munguva yezviito zvisingaverengeki uye kunyanya kunetseka.