Zvinowanzofungidzirwa kuti kurambana pashure pemakore mashanu kubva ku10 kusvika ku10 ehupenyu hwakachengeteka pamwe chete ndiko kuoma kwakanyanya kune mukadzi. Chero mamiriro ezvinhu, tsika iyi yakasimbiswa nekuti iyo hafu yakanaka yevanhu inoda rubatsiro rwehutano. Varume, pamwe chete nezvakakosha kune pasi rakasimba, zvinonzwisisika kuenderana nemamiriro matsva ehupenyu. Zvisinei, anenge makore gumi akapfuura, masayendisiti evanhu vakatanga kutaura vakashamisika kuti varume vakarambana muzhinji vanofunga kuti havakwanisi, sezvo vose vanojaira kutenda. Munhu anozvibata sei mushure mekurambana, uye mararamiro aanoita naye kwatiri - vakadzi? ..
NEMIBADHI MUMWE MAFANZI
Kuti zviongororwe zvakaenzana nekuyera kwechiitiko, icho chichakurukurwa - varume vanonzwisisa syndrome - kutanga ngatitaurire pamusoro pokuti tingaendesa sei rusununguko rwevakadzi. Semuenzaniso, mumwe wevanyori vakuru mukurapa kwepfungwa, Norman Farberou, anotaura kuti hapana hutano hwakanaka mushure mekurambana uye kuparara kwebato iripo kwemakore anoverengeka haina kudzokera kune imwe nzvimbo yapfuura yehutano hwepfungwa nehutano. Mune mhaka ipi zvayo, mudzimai wepfumbamwe akaparara, maererano nehuwandu, ari kuedza kugadzirisa zviitiko noupenyu. Munhu mumwe nomumwe wechina anotendeukira kumuongorori wepfungwa kuti abatsirwe (kunyange zvazvo hafu yevakadzi vakasununguka kubva kumisangano yemhuri vanoona kudengenyeka kunonzi kuchida kurapwa). Uye zvinodarika hafu yezvose zvinodhaka zvinotengeswa munyika dzinonzi dzakabudirira dzinowanikwa nevakadzi vari munharaunda yekurambana kwepasi pegore!
Kuvanhu, pakutanga pakutanga, zviri nyore chaizvo. Uye izvi zvinotsigirwa nekutsvakurudza: 65 muzana yevarume vakarambana vakaroorazve mukati memakore mashanu ekutanga. Zvose izvi zvinonzwisisika kubva pakuona kwepfungwa. Ichokwadi ndechokuti munhu wose akambove ane ruzivo rwekuputsa mukadzi anokosha - amai. Pazera remakore 5-7, vakomana vacho vanogadziridzwa mupfungwa. Zvishoma nezvishoma vanorega kunzwa sechikamu cheamai, uye, sevanofunga nezvepfungwa, vanoshanduka vachiita sevarume vechidiki. Nokudaro, kuputsika kwechipiri nemukadzi waidiwa uye wadikanwa zviri nyore kwazvo. Imwe 15 muzana yemakonde ane simba anowana mhuri itsva pakati pemakore mashanu nemakumi mashanu emutsara wechipiri wehupenyu hwehupenyu. Asi makumi manomwe kubva muzana zvino anogadzira chinhu chinonyatsoongororwa chepfungwa dzepfungwa, sezvo vachigadzira mhuri itsva (kana kuwana munhu unogara nokusingaperi) makore makumi maviri kana kupfuura mushure mekuparadzwa kwemhuri yekutanga.
IN PINK GAMES
Kuti vanzwisise kuti sei varume vakawanda zvakadaro vane huwandu hwepfungwa (shure kwavo uye mumuviri) matambudziko, kuva "akazara", munhu anofanira kutaura nezvezvavari kutarisira mukuedza kurambana.
• Varume vakawanda vanotarisira kuti, kana vazvisunungura kubva kune avo varo vepamutemo, vachasangana nemukadzi akakodzera - akaisvonaka, ane hanya, ane mutsa, ane hanya uye kakawanda ari muduku. Izvi zvinoreva kuti kuneta kubva pamagariro ezuva nezuva ehutano hwepabonde kunomutsa kufambisa kwemafungiro, iyo inobatsira chaizvo inotora mifananidzo yakaisvonaka mukufungidzira uye inovimbisa zvakajeka zvepabonde, uye nevamwe vakasiyana.
♦ Uye chechipiri, chinowanzova chinangwa chisina kukosha chokuputsa ukama nemhuri ndicho chido chokubvisa mutoro weimba. Kana kuti zvishoma kuderedza mutoro uyu.
ILL-TERMED ILLUSIONS
Zvisinei, kudhakwa rusununguko rutsva muvarume kunopera, semurairo, mwedzi mishomanana chete, uye dzimwe nguva kunyange mavhiki. Uye zvino, zvishoma nezvishoma, asi zvechokwadi, kushungurudzika kunotanga kupinda mumweya.
Sezvo aonekwa "norusununguko", murume wacho haaiti zvachose kuti angazvida sei. Vamiririri vehutano hwakasimba vari kuedza kutanga vanoona mafungiro avo epabonde. Sezvo mutemo, shamwari dzakasiyana-siyana dzinoonekwa kamwechete: imwe ndeyokusingaperi, imwe yacho ndeyechinguva. Uye kazhinji kacho nguva shomanana (maviri-matatu-awa) kushamwaridzana kunokonzera kuodza mwoyo. Kunyangwe zviri pamusoro pavo kuti varume vanewo tariro yakawanda. Ichokwadi ndechokuti kurara pabonde kune chimwe chinhu chinokosha zvikuru. Tiri kutaura pamusoro pezvinoti kunzi kugadziriswa - mupfungwa uye zvepanyama. Pashure pemakore akawanda ehupenyu pamwe chete kukwezva kwepabonde (mafungiro) okukwevera, vakaroorana, zvirokwazvo, havanzwi, asi mufaro unouya nokukurumidza, pasina nguva yakareba yekare uye manzwiro. Kushamwaridzana kunoitika zvakashata, asi huwandu hwemufaro hunowanzokwirira, kubuda kunotanga nokukurumidza - mukati memaminitsi 4-5. Uye izvi zvose pamwe chete zvinopa manzwiro ekunyaradza.
Asi hukama hwepedyo nehutachiona uye hunowanzove husingazivi hunodiwa kubva kumunhu mukuru mupfungwa mupfungwa uye zvepanyama. Kutanga, mudiwa wacho anofanira kunge achida kuva noukama hwepedyo. Chechipiri, inofanirwa kugadziriswa kwenguva yakakwana. Chechitatu, chiito chepabonde pachako chakareba uye "simba-yakasimba". Maererano nehuwandu, munguva yehukama nemudzimai wake, kuwedzera kwemwoyo kune varume kunowedzera ne 8-10 kurohwa paminiti uye kunochengetedza kune iri mukati mukati memaminitsi 3-5 mushure mekupedzisira. Kana mudiwa wacho ari mutsva, mwoyo wemurume inorova inenge ye30-40 shamroke kakawanda kudarika nguva uye "inonyaradza pasi" kwemaminitsi gumi nemaminetsi mushure mokunge uchinge wapinda. Kunezve yechina nuance: mushure mekuita zvepabonde nemumwe wako waunofambidzana iwe unofanira kuramba uchikurukurirana, uye kazhinji unomutora kumba. Ichokwadi kuti ukama hwakadaro hunounza mufaro mukuru, asi hunotora simba rakawanda, kunoderedza kushanda zvakanaka, chido chokuratidza chiito, nezvimwewo.
Icho chinonyanya kuziva, kunyangwe chinosuruvarisa panguva imwechete, ndechokuti, maererano neongororo yevamwe vezvepfungwa vanobva kunyika dzakasiyana, vazhinji vevarume vakaroorana mukati memakore nehafu mushure mekurambana zvakanyanya kuderedza kuita zvepabonde. Vakawanda vavo vanoramba kunyange zvepabonde zvakajeka kubva kune vakadzi, kazhinji vari vaduku uye vane hanya.
Mukuwedzera kumatambudziko muhupenyu hwake hwega, zvinetso zvinomuka izvo zvisizvo zvevanhu. Hongu, kukosha kwekutora mitezo yemhuri hakufaniri kubviswa, asi mapepa emumwe murume akaisa pamapfudzi evarume vane simba-kuzvitarisira iye pachake. Uye ikozvino, pakuzoitika kwakadaro kwezviitiko, vamiririri vazhinji vehutano hwakasimba havatombogadzirira. Chokutanga, hapana munhu angabvunzurudza munguva dzakaoma, hapana munhu anonyunyutira dambudziko. Mushure mezvose, tenzikadzi, kunyange ane tsitsi, haasi sepedyo semudzimai, saka haasi munhu wose achazarura pamberi pake. Uye kwete ishekadzi wose achamuteerera munyoro wake achinyunyuta nezvekuguma.
Mukuwedzera, mushure memavhiki mashoma ehupenyu hwehutano, varume vazhinji vanowana mukati mavo maitiro akawanda anokuvadza, akadai: chido chokunwa zvakanyanya, kuda kuchidya zvinonaka uye zvakanyanya, kusanganisira usiku humwe, nezvimwe. Vakadzi vane zvido zvishomanana, uye, kuva vanhu vakawanda uye vakanyatsorongeka, zvepabonde zvinonyanya kudzivisa zvishuvo zvinokuvadza. Nenzira, pamusana pekusaziva, varume vanonzwa ichi chikamu chevakadzi uye vanowanzoroorwa mune chikamu kuti vaone kuti mudzimai anobatsira kuva nezvinhu zvinoparadza. Zvinosuruvarisa, chokwadi ichi hachina kusimbiswa mupfungwa, saka, mutoro wekuzvidzivirira iwe pachako unotendeuka kuva dambudziko rakaoma kune vakawanda vari nhengo dzepabonde rakasimba.
Nokudaro, zvose zvinotaurwa pamusoro pehupenyu "husina hanya" zvinowanzoita kuti varume vakawanda pamusoro pegore nehafu mushure mekurambana vatange kunzwa vaora mwoyo, vakavhiringidzika, ivo vanove vachida kufarira basa. Kushandisa doro doro (kazhinji kazhinji doro) uye zvokudya ndizvo zviratidzo zvinowanzoonekwa zve-post-mortem syndrome mumhengo dzepabonde rakasimba. Mukuwedzera pakuderedza chishuwo chepabonde, icho chave chatotaurwa, zvimwe zvinetso muhukama hwepedyo zvinowanzoratidzwa.
KUDZIDZA VAKOMWE PAMUSORO
Pane imwe tsika yekuti varume vanoita sei mushure mekurambana. Pakati pegore rechipiri mushure mekusununguka kwehukama, murume mumwe nomumwe wechitatu akarambana anotanga kufunga zvakaoma nezvekudzokera kumhuri yake yekare. Uye yechina yechina pakupedzisira anoroorwa zvakare nemudzimai wake wekare! Ichokwadi, vamwe varume vanoedza kutiza kubva kusurukirwa kwavo, vawana mhuri itsva. Zvisinei, zviviri zvevatatu vavo mushure mechinguva vanogutsikana kuti mudzimai wekutanga akanga ari nani pane musikana mutsva kana kuti anogara aripo.
Saka, kana mukadzi asina kufara pamusoro pokurambana kwakaitika uye anoda kudzorera ukama zvakare kune zvakasarudzwa, unoda, kutanga, kuedza kuzvidzivirira. Chechipiri, munhu anofanira kuva nemoyo murefu. Asi kumhanya mushure mokunge murume wekare asati afanirwa, haafaniri kuzvidzokorora zvakare: "Iwe uchadzoka kwandiri!"
Varume-vanhu vanodada zvikuru, saka zvakaoma zvikuru kuti vadzoke kumba vane musoro ane mhosva, kunyange kana pane chido chakakura. Kuti tive netsika dzekufambisa kudzoka kwavo, edza kusarega kurasikirwa kana hukama hwehukama mushure mekurambana. Kana munhu "achicheka" kuitira kuti atange mhuri pakutanga, haazofanira kutarisira nguva inokosha inouya. Anongotarisa nenzira yerudo yekombe yeti uye anogara.
VANOFANIRA KUTI ITAI
Kana iwe uchifanirwa kusangana nemurume akarambana munzira yako, yeuka mitemo iri nyore, kuchengetwa kwayo kuchakubatsira kuvaka pamwe naye ukama hwakasimba uye hwakakomba.
♦ Kunyange kana rudo rwako ruchikura nenzira yakanakisisa, unosangana nguva dzose (2-3 kavhiki) uye iwe uri pamwe chete, usaomesa kurarama pasi pedenga rimwe, kana munhu akadzivisa izvi nenzira dzose. Inzwisise kuti akarambana nomukadzi wake wekare, kwete kuti aite pakarepo imba itsva yemhuri.
♦ Ichokwadi kuti mufaro wako akararama mumhuri yakafara kwemakore anoverengeka hazvirevi kuti ane tsika dzakagadzirira kuita semusoro wakanaka wemhuri. Zvinokwanisika kuti shamwari yako inotaura nezvemazana makumi maviri evarume vanogona kugara vari voga mushure mekuparadzwa kwemhuri yekutanga kubatana kwemakore anenge makumi maviri (kana kwete kusvika kumagumo ehupenyu hwavo). Saka usapedza mazita ako kune mumwe muwani anogona.
♦ Kana nyanzvi yako yakarambana munguva pfupi yapfuura (makore mashoma nehafu apfuura), zvichida, achava nevamwe vakadzi kunze kwenyu. Kupandukira izvi hazvina maturo. Ingotora mamiriro ezvinhu aya muone uye uve nemoyo murefu.
♦ Kudzidzira kunoratidza kuti vakadzi vanosangana nevarume vakarambana vanowanzoita chimwe chezvikwata zviviri zvema polar: vanogona kukomberedza shamwari yavo nekunyanya kutarisirwa, kana kuti kukurukurirana zvakanyanya, vachida kuratidzira unhu hwakanaka kunze kwekunge varoorana naye. Zvose izvi nzira idzi hadziiti. Kana zvichibvira, edza kukudziridza mutsetse wehutsika umo kuchengetedzeka nekudzikama mukati mehutano hwepedyo huchabatanidzwa nekudzivisa. Uyu ndiwo mukana unonyanya kukosha wokukunda mwoyo weasanangurwa wako.